Unbelief

Some of you know, that I only have one ovary. I lost my right ovary on my 21st birthday. I was forced to have emergency surgery after my ovary suffered necrosis due to the weight of an over-sized cyst which caused the torsion of my Fallopian tube. So I had to undergo, a procedure called a laparoscopic unilateral oophorectomy (never forgot the name of it).  This procedure removes the left or right ovary through small incisions in the belly button and stomach (still got the scars). At that age, I wasn’t aware of the magnitude of the emotional roller coaster ride I would be on for the next 8 years. I was young and living for the moment. I thought I had my life ahead of me and although I felt a bit concerned at the time, I wasn’t really thinking about legacy or children. In fact, I wasn’t even a Christian yet. However, in retrospect, I see how God’s hand was on my life.

This is a very sensitive topic for me that gets more sensitive as I get older. The older I get, the more I fear I’ll have complications with pregnancy. The fear mostly stems from me feeling as if my eggs are getting old and that I may run out because I only have one ovary. So it’s usually coupled with anxiousness although there is no proof that I most certainly will have this issue. I feel so exposed talking about this but I’m hoping I can encourage someone struggling with the same thoughts to not believe the deception.

Amazingly, I’ve experienced the peace of God amidst all of the troubling fears. He’s even revealed something about His character and His favor in my life. But strikingly, He’s exposed the contents of my heart and exposed my desires and helped me see a clear reflection of myself and the ugly parts. In fact, the fear hit me again this morning and I felt forced to step outside of my office and pray. I’ll get back to what triggered it in a moment, it’s important too but the most profound aspect of my experience with this is that He led me back to the first sin. How can I profess that I truly trust God and still struggle with this fear?

He reminded me of why the first sin was committed. It was committed because of unbelief in God’s Word. God warned Adam and Eve in Genesis 2:17 not to eat from the tree of good and evil, that the day they eat from it, they will surely die. However, because of the lack of trust in God, they allowed a created being to deceive them by asking them, did God really say that you will surely die? God gave me a promise a long time ago and I have seen some of it already come to pass. My experience with worry about my future is a lack of trust in that promise, it was unbelief in what He already told me. Hence, I allowed myself to watch a YouTube video that fed into those negative beliefs and allowed my mind to reason with what science or biology says disregarding who God is and what He said. He is the creator of all things, not a created being. He is Spirit, not a man-made field of study like science. He can do miracles, men can’t. His thoughts are higher than our thoughts and His ways higher than our ways. Most importantly, His Word is unfailing. There are many things that we will never understand but God will because He created all things. Nothing is impossible for God.

If we truly know that God’s Word is unfailing, then why do we not trust in Him with all of our heart? We know that worry and fear are a result of the lack of trust in God and lack of focus on God and His kingdom: Matthew 6:25-34. Fear is a sin because it is rooted in unbelief. The scriptures emphasize the importance of having faith in God and believing in His Word. It’s the only way to obtain favor from the Lord. Hebrews 11:6 says “And without faith, it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.” Also, where there is fear, there is no love because fear is not a character trait of God, love is. 1 John 4:18 says “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”

God sent Jesus to redeem us from our sins to restore a broken relationship between us and Himself and the only way this can be done is if we have faith in Him. Without faith, there is no restoration, no relationship, no hope. The scriptures teach us that “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.” Proverbs 9:10. Therefore, in order to know Him, we must fear Him first. Not anyone or anything else.

Want to know how to have favor from the Lord? Have faith in Jesus Christ as Lord and pursue God with reckless abandonment. Jesus commands us to in Luke 10:27 “And he answered, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.”

If you are worried about something today, I encourage you to seek God. Draw near to Him and ask to be sensitive to His voice. Put your trust in Him. Remember His promises because His Word is unfailing. There’s safety in His presence.

God Bless!