As I write this I reflect on the many paths I’ve taken in my life as well as the many oaths and commitments I’ve made. My career trajectory has changed a few times in my twenties, in efforts to find the most suitable and successful career for me. Yes, I’ve chased success, even after I became a Christian. There’s just something about success that I enjoy. The thrill of being promoted, highlighted, awarded, getting a title change, a higher salary, as well as new and exciting responsibilities, skills or challenges.
But the older I get the more I reflect on what success really means to me and what I am really longing for. My success not only encompassed my academic or professional work. Success also meant buying a car (I had 4), having my own apartment ( I have a studio in Williamsburg now) or having the boyfriend that fits the standard (I’ve had a few of those too). One thing, I’ve noticed even with having these things, the money, the status, the beauty is that I found myself still longing for more.
In John 7:37, Jesus says “Let anyone who is thirsty come to me and drink.” Jesus makes us aware of just how much we need Him every day; that we’ll always be thirsty and empty if we do not seek Him. I realized how difficult it is to apply the basics of God’s Word every day. Especially in a world that distracts you with social media’s highlight reel. When you see your friends getting Ph.D.’s from elite schools, buying houses and getting married, traveling or even just spending time with their family. That stuff starts to get to you, whether you’re a believer or not. That’s why it’s so important to put on the full armor of God daily. No weapon formed against you shall prosper, my friend!
I felt encouraged today when I thought about just how wonderful my life is right now but just how empty I still feel at times. I noticed this feeling comes when I’m not consistently meditating on God’s Word and promises. Essentially, I miss my father and I wish I could talk to my mother. I long for a father’s embrace. I long to be loved and feel loved and I realize that feeling loved can be so difficult even when others around you are extending it to you. Especially when you were never told by your father that he loved you or thought you were beautiful.
We live in a broken world and practicing divorce can really damage your psyche. I realized that we don’t only practice divorce when we leave a romantic relationship, we practice it when we leave a job that was invested in us or when we walk away from relatives that loved us or those relatives pass away. It’s interesting how the only circumstances where divorce is acceptable are when adultery is committed or your spouse dies. These are very painful experiences to endure and we carry this pain with us throughout our lives.
However, Jesus warns us in John 16:33 “In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” Knowing that He understands us and that He has overcome these troubles is so encouraging. Jesus is not only savior, But He is also Father incarnate, He is restorer, redeemer, friend, healer, sanctifier, lover of our souls and so much more. Praise God! He wants us to know just how much our Father in heaven loves us and that there is no one or any material thing that can bring us love the way He can.
So even though, there are times I feel unloved at my current job (because love manifests itself in various ways) I trust God’s Will and I trust His love that is demonstrated through His Word and I encourage you to do the same. Don’t be dismayed by everything you see or hear, it isn’t what you think. The enemy uses those devices to discourage us. Beautiful people may get a lot of attention but they don’t have it all together and they don’t stay that way. And not all Christians are living perfect and holy lives, many of us struggle with the basics every day. We’re all just thirsty without the everlasting well that flows from Jesus. The beauty of it all is knowing that we don’t have to be perfect because His grace covers all. Going back to my old job where I felt loved and thought I had the best manager in the world who cared about my growth doesn’t mean I won’t thirst again. Trust that God has you in the right place at the right time. Trust me, I’m still working on how to fathom this myself so we’re in this together.
Love you and God bless!